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Friday, December 25, 2015

In God's Time

I’ve been unemployed for about six weeks and we are starting to feel the financial pinch of a one income household.     To help make ends meet, my husband took on some midnight shifts at the hospital.   This week he’s working Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and the day after Christmas.    Our time together is limited so on Christmas Eve we decided to drive to the Valley Market Place for breakfast and to visit some of the Amish shops.   We love the Amish!    Living in Ohio, Amish communities are commonplace and we have developed friendships with many of them over the years.    After eating way too much food at the “House Restaurant”, we walked down to “The Stoltzfus Variety Shop”.   This is my favorite store because they sell rhythm clocks.      Now I’m not one to get excited about clocks.   I buy my clocks at Walmart and the thought of paying more than $15 for a timepiece makes me physically ill, but there is something about the musical clocks that mesmerize me.     Like little kids, we started pushing the test button on each wall clock.  The entire marketplace sounded like a crazy carnival carousel.    You never know what will happen when you press the button.   All the songs are different and each timepiece moves in a unique way.   I fell in love with this beautiful silver and white clock that had a rich dark wood frame.   On the hour, one of thirty songs would play and the dial opened up into six separate segments revealing white and silver plates bearing pictures of musical notes and guitars.   The Amish Storeowner was eager to show us his wares and I was beginning to feel a little guilty about taking up his time.  There was no way we could purchase something that expensive right now.   A clock is not a necessity, our Walmart special is working just fine!    I smiled at the nice store keeper and said, “One day we’ll buy one of your clocks!”   As the Amish Man walked away from us and back to the cash register my husband said, “Which one of these clocks do you like the best Seetie?”     A few years back one of the grandkids gave me a coffee mug branded with the word “Mammasita” on the side.    My Irish husband thought that was the funniest thing ever and began calling me “Seetie”.      Now, back to the story...I pointed to the clock I loved the best and my husband called over to the store keeper and said, “Do you have this one in stock?”    I got a little irked with my husband.  Why was he making this poor man leave his post and get a clock we couldn’t afford to buy.    Annoyed, I said, “What are you doing?”    He looked at me, smiled and said, “I’m buying you a clock!”    I was shocked and tears began to stream down my face.   I couldn’t believe he was buying this clock for me for Christmas.    We don’t exchange gifts, our focus has always been on our kids and grandkids.   Gifts for each other were always an afterthought.    

When I made the decision to quit my job in November, it was the first time I did not have a plan "B".   I made the decision after prayer and with the full support of my husband.    When I resigned from my job, I was emotionally and physically drained.   I remember tearfully saying to my husband “I’m not strong enough to fight this battle anymore.”   And his response to me was “You don’t have to, I’ll fight it for you.”   And he has fought for me every day since I quit my job.   He said, “You’ve worked your butt off for thirty years working in offices to support your family, you need a break, let me take care of things.”   For the first time in my life, I gave the reins to my husband.   I’m not a submissive type of gal, I like to be in control, but I couldn’t do it anymore.   I was exhausted, my mind was broke and I just didn’t have the energy to think.      For the first time in our married life, I let my husband “head” our home.   I allowed him to live as God intended.    I have to tell you that things have been a lot easier since I let go, let God and let Bill.         When I told my daughter about crying in the Amish Market, she seemed puzzled and said, “You cried over a clock?”   But it wasn’t about the clock, my tears of joy were about my husband.   It was about the love we have for each other.    It was about the fact that this man is working sixty hours a week so that I can heal my mind.   It’s about unconditional love.        Every time the clock chimes I stop what I’m doing, listen and watch in childlike wonder as the dials open up and spin around slowly to the music.    As I watch in amazement, I think about the love I have for my husband.       It’s incredible what life can be like when you let go of your illusion of control and let God lead the way.   I don't know what the future holds, but I have faith that everything happens for a reason and in God's time.      

Merry Christmas to all and   May God bless you and your families during the Christmas Season and throughout the New Year.   

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